Pictures of You
by KirbyKickass
Summary: Quinn hasn't spoken to Santana for a long time. Years have passed and both girls have moved on from what they once had...or so Quinn thought. Finding a picture of her ex on Instagram, Quinn begins to doubt all her choices.
1. chapter 1

**Well...this is kinda based on a true story. My story...I hope you like.** **Please let me know what you think and if I should continue.** **Thanks**

She looked beautiful, like the years had been kind to her...like she had been swaddled in soft glowing sunlight and silk since the day she was born.

Her hair was longer now, it cascaded down passed her shoulders. Dark curls glancing against prominent collar bones.

Her smile hadn't changed. It still tugged up at the right hand corner of her full lips as her eyes squinted slightly, giving off that mischivious look that she wore so well.

She was everything Quinn remembered and more. She looked happier now, more at ease with herself. She looked as though she had stopped fighting herself and had finally accepted the truth.

"That you're perfect" Whispered Quinn aloud as she ran her finger down the screen.

The blonde had been mindlessly flipping through instagram when Santana's picture had appeared in her friends' likes feed and emptied the breath from her lungs.

So many emotions ran through her as soon as hazel eyes locked onto slightly glassy mocha.

The beautiful face of her one time friend, one time lover frozen in time for her to feast her hungry eyes upon.

Quinn had missed Santana. Her heart and soul had pined for her since that day she had walked away. Since the day she broke her own heart to make sure Santana had chance to give hers to someone who deserved it.

Someone better than her.

 **Flashback**

 _"Why won't you say something!!?" Pleaded Santana as they sat in Quinn's Alpha Romeo in their usual secluded meeting point._

 _Quinn's hands stayed on the steering wheel even though the ignition was off. Her eyes simmered with tears as she tried to swallow the painful lump in her throat._

 _"We can move away, I'll transfer and you'll find a job straight away. We can start somewhere new...Just us two!"_

 _The statuesque blonde let out a bitter laugh and shook her head._

 _"This is funny to you!?" Half cried half growled the tan girl beside her, her body turning in the leather seat to fully face Quinn._

 _The girl in the drivers seat released her death grip on the wheel to quickly wipe at wayward tears that had managed to spill from her eyes._

 _"We've been here for forty minutes Quinn and you haven't said one fucking word!"_

 _"I love you" Whispered the hazel eyed girl as her head dipped, a hiccuped sob escaping with her words._

 _It was only the 2nd time she had uttered those words to Santana, only the 2nd time she had allowed such selfishness pass her lips._

 _"I love you too...I love you so much Q. I've loved you for so long" The smaller girl began to lean forward, her hands reaching for Quinn as the words rushed out of her mouth._

 _"But I can't do this anymore"_

 _Santana paused_

 _"I love you but I can't do this...I can't be with you" For the first time in almost an hour Quinn looked toward the girl who had stolen her heart._

 _"No...Quinn...Please don't do this. Don't push me away" pleaded the latina_

 _"You know I have to-"_

Can passangers boarding First Class for flight HP2897 to New York please make your way to the gate.

The tannoy announcement broke Quinn from her painful memory, she wiped discretely at her reddened and moist eyes before picking up her satchel and heading towards her gate.

Her usual fear of flying had been forgotten. Seeing Santana's beautiful picture had stripped her down to her most basic functions, breathing and existing.

Maybe that was all she had really been doing all these years. Just existing. When she truly thought about it it made sense, walking away from Santana and back into _his_ arms had ultimately shut her down.

She was now just a shell of who she was, a ghost of all the possibilities that lay before her.

"Miss Fabray, the gate for first class is closing soon"

Quinn's eyes snapped up to the steward holding her forgotten ticket with a comforting smile.

She whispered an apology and took the ticket, shrugging her satchel strap further up her shoulder before walkong down towards the plane.


	2. Calm before the storm

Quinn rolled her head, cracking her neck as she did so.

Flying never agreed with her, sitting still for hours in a confined space hurtling through the air whilst almost 2 miles up wasn't exactly on her list of favourite things to do.

But then again, a lot of what she did wasn't on that list...she wasn't even sure she had a list anymore.

Quinn's life no longer belonged to her, it belonged to those around her. Mainly it belonged to _him._

She shook her head as she stepped into the muggy heat of New York. She really needed to stop evaluating things, it was too late for that. _Years_ too late.

She pulled out a Marlboro from a semi crushed packet stored in her dark skinny jeans pocket and placed it between her lips. Quickly lighting the cigarette, the blonde closed her eyes as she inhaled the thick smoke, her right arm wrapping itself around her stomach as she pushed the last few hours down inside her.

Seeing Santana had affected her far too much, and it was only a picture. Her hands itched to turn on her phone and find the picture, click on the girl...look through her Instagram.

She resisted the urge, the _need_ to do so. Opening her eyes, the blonde decided to take the long way home. Basically the subway instead of a cab, she wasn't quite ready to see her boyfriend yet.

 **1 hour 23 minutes later**

"Another beer hun?" Smiled the barmaid as she picked up Quinn's empty glass.

"A double whisky and coke please" She half smiled in reply

The barmaid nodded her approval and turned to make her newest customer a drink.

Quinn had made it onto the J train from JFK, she had made it to her stop in Williamsburg and she had also made it to several stops after.

Her body had remained rooted to the subway car, umoving as the city grew nearer.

Once over the Williamsburg bridge the blonde suddenly felt able to move and took advantage by jumping off at the first stop.

Even though she had lived in Brooklyn for almost five years now, Quinn rarely got to explore any of New Yorks four other borough's.

She was ruled by _him_ as to where she went. Very rarely she got to head out alone.

So this one time, after a short business trip which _he_ most definitely did not approve of, Quinn supposed her subconcious was finally helping her take advantage of this.

"Not seen ya here before, new to the area?" Smiled the barmaid, Becca, as she placed a napkin down before depositing the blonde's drink atop of it.

The former cheerleader shook her head as she leaned forward and took a long sip of the smoky liquid through two small black straws.

"I've been a Williamsburg local for almost 5 years now" She grinned sitting up straight again

"Williamsburg before it was a nice place huh...check you out blondie, here was me thinking you were a tourist" Chuckled Becca in her thick New York accent.

Quinn's smile faltered at the nickname, a name Santana called her regulary before...before she walked away. But she soon recovered with the Fabray grace that had been ingrained into her since early childhood.

"Originally from Ohio so don't look too impressed" She laughed at herself

The slender barmaid shrugged, her green eyes locking on the hand luggage ticket on Quinn's satchel perched on the bar before looking back at the young woman.

"Business" Answered Quinn to the unspoken question. "Not everyone in New York with a carry on ticket is a tourist" she smirked

"I'd make a lousy detective" Laughed Becca as she briefly turned round and fished a cold Coors from the fridge. Twisting off the cap and taking a pull whilst leaning casually against the fridge behind her, Becca's eyes locked on Quinn's.

"It was an admirable try" Smiled Quinn as she took another sip of her drink.

Maybe it was the alcohol but she was sure Becca was flirting with her. The woman was definitely attractive, petite build, dark hair, tanned skin...just like Santana but nowhere near her beauty.

"So, what's business for you?" Asked the barmaid, jutting out her hip

Quinn shrugged "Nothing important to be honest"

But that was a lie. Work was the last of what Quinn truly loved. She adored her job and had strived hard to make it in an industry dominated by men.

But Becca didn't need to know that.

She didn't need to know that Quinn had switched from doing law at Yale in her 2nd year to go to MIT and study engineering, Becca didn't need to know that it was Santana who gave her the strength to ignore everyone's doubts.

She didn't need to know how Quinn had cried in Santana's arms through fear of making a life changing mistake, but ended up finding hope when soft lips connected with hers in such a nervous and temtative way that Quinn was sure she could still feel them now.

No, Becca didn't need to know any of that story, because it was hers and Santana's.

Both women were interrupted by the blondes phone vibrating loudly against the wooden bar, Quinn's hand tightening on her glass.

"Want me to get that for ya?" Asked Becca with an edge to her voice.

Quinn knew that the barmaid was growing more suspicious every time she ignored the calls from _him._ And it was nice that someone, a stranger even, was willing to step up in her defense.

Quinn shook her head slowly and reached for the phone. She had made her mistakes and she would have to live with the consequences alone.

Sliding the green icon to the right she took a breath.

 _"Your flight came in almost two hours ago"_

Hazel eyes closed momentarily

 _"I've been worried sick about you"_

He was always 'worried' that was his word, the one he used to guilt her, to control her.

"I'm sorry, I missed my stop and decided I'd grab some food before I got back on the train"

 _"Missed your stop!? How? Where are you, I'll come get you"_ His tone was accusing, causing Quinn's heart to constrict.

She would pay for this act of rebellion.

"There's your change Miss, I hope you enjoyed your meal" Becca stepped up to the bar, speaking loud enough for the caller to hear.

Quinn's eyes misted in gratitude as she gave a watery smile to her new ally.

"I have to go Greg, I didn't tip and I think you would like this place" Mumbled the blonde apologeticly.

 _"Okay hotty, come straight home. We need to talk"_

"Yes Greg"

 _"Love you"_

"Love you too Greg"

The call ended, Quinn quicky placed her phone into her pocket and stood from the bar stool that had been her home for the last hour or so.

"I hope I'm not being too forward but-"

"Please don't Becca" pleaded Quinn as she kept her eyes toward the ground, her hand shakily depositing a 100 dollar bill on the bar.

"Don't try and pay me off" Pleaded the barmaid as she pushed the bill bavk into Quinn's hand, crushing the green paper against her knuckles and leaving her palm overlapping Quinn's pale hand.

Hazel eyes looked up confused at the sincerity in the almolst strangers voice. Becca looked back calmly.

"I don't know what your deal is blondie" She paused and licked her lips whilst stepping back and releasing Quinn's hand. "But I know that look, that weight you carry around. I have seen it before in my own reflection and believe me when I say, it will get too much if you carry on like this"

Shaking her head sadly, Becca turned over her arms to reveal two almost silver scars xig zagging up her wrists.

"I don't understand" Whispered Quinn as sympathy for the smaller woman coursed through her veins.

Becca shrugged and pulled out a crumpled note, pushing it onto the bar.

"It's my number...As soon as you walked in I wanted to give it to you...but I kinda realised someone like you would already have someone"

She stepped back and picked up her Coors.

"I think we could be friends though. Y'know...if you ever needed one or whatever"

A small blush overtook Becca's cheeks as she looked down in embarrasment.

Quinn smiled and picked up piece of paper. "I think that could work...maybe"

She truly did have no one anymore, her only solace was through writing in her journal, her only outlet was through crying in the shower.

She could do with a friend.

Her phone vibrating set her nerves alight again, she quickly stuffed the paper into her pocket and shrugged on her bag, her eyes meeting with Becca's for a brief moment before she half jogged out of the door and towards her train.

Greg was not happy.

 **sooooo...massive thanks to you all! I got this chapter out due to those reviews spurring me on!**

 **I hope you liked, this was to set up the story mainly. There will be some Santana stuff very soon!!**

 **Thanks again guys**


	3. Thunder then Lightening will Follow

The door closed behind Quinn silencing the early afternoon sounds of New York city traffic.

The ground floor apartment was silent as she lowered her bag and slipped off her flats, hazel eyes surveying the open plan living room as dust motes caught in the sunlight.

She stepped further into the apartment, a sick feeling slowly taking hold of her.

Greg liked to play games when he was angry, and Quinn was aware of how angry she may have made him.

"Greg?" She called out as she stepped up the the breakfast bar at the back end of the living room. Beyond the bar was the kitchen and a small staircase that led up to a half floor with a small bathroom and a double bedroom.

"Greg, you're scaring me" Mumbled Quinn as she stepped towards the staircase.

The only sounds that filled the apartment other than her voice were the muted sounds of traffic and the occasional shouting that was a normal happening in New York.

Tentatively, Quinn took her first step on the staircase. Still there was no sign of Greg.

Taking a deep breath in an attempt to steady her fraught nerves, Quinn made quick work of the stairs.

Once at the top, she paused briefly at the bathroom.

Even though the door was shut, she knew Greg wasn't in there...she had years of experience when it came to his moods and the blonde knew full well what to expect.

Taking a deep breath in an attempt to steady her fraught nerves, Quinn made quick work of the stairs.

Once at the top, she paused briefly at the bathroom.

Even though the door was shut, she knew Greg wasn't in there...she had years of experience when it came to his moods and the blonde knew full well what to expect.

Even though the engineer was prepared Greg's thunderous face as she stepped through the bedroom doorway still caused her breath to hitch.

"Not so fun when no one answers is it honey?" He sneered from his seat next to the bed.

"I must have flipped my phone from airplane mode to just silent by accident Greg...I'm sorry" Quinn's voice was meak but held a quiet strength as she tried to get him to believe her lie.

"Or you were too busy enjoying lunch with someone!" Quipped the muscled man as he stood angrily from his chair.

Quinn's eyes closed momentarily as he stepped towards her. She was aware of his face leaning in close to hers but the blonde still jumped when spittle and hot breath hit her face as he began to rant.

"WAS THERE EVEN A NEED FOR YOU TO GO ON SITE?" His arms flailed as he stepped back a little, his thick arms flexing in anger "OR WAS THIS AN ELEABORATE PLAN TO MEET UP WITH SOMEONE!?"

"Damnit Greg...I chose you okay!?" Half shouted Quinn as she raised her hand and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"You FUCKED HER for an entire YEAR! How do I know you're still not fucking!?" He spat, the veins in his neck standing out.

Quinn's mind flashed to early mornings as she crept into Santana's apartment before work.

Bare legs tangled together above cotton sheets

Showers that lasted so long the water went cold but they didn't notice

Longing eyes and desperately whispered adoration as she repeatedly kissed plump, ruby lips before leaving for work.

Quinn and Santana never fucked. Greg was wrong and the bitterest part of the Blonde wanted to scream that at him.

But she didn't.

Instead, Quinn dropped her hand and looked into his crazed eyes. Her voice just above a whisper as she spoke.

"I chose you Greg. I chose you and now my life is with you, with yours...I haven't been with anyone since Sa-"

"Don't you dare say her fucking name!" He growled before his lips were on hers.

Suddenly Quinn landed on the bed, all the air from her lungs leaving her momentarily, her eyes automatically closed as she saw his body manouver over hers.

She was used to this dance, she had been here countless times. This was Greg claiming her, showing her she was his.

As his hands clumsily groped at her flesh, Quinn's mind filtered back to the picture of Santana she found before the flight.

The picture where San looked free and happy and at ease, the one where she smiled widely and her eyes held a spark...

A tiny spark ignighted in Quinn's chest at this. Because she realised she had made the right choice when she let Santana go.

Santana was happy and Quinn swore she would suffer for a million years if she stayed that way.


	4. echo of a broken past

**Song in italics is Paramore - Tell me how. It reminds me of B (My Santana) when I listen to it. So this is for her.**

 _I can't call you a stranger._

 _But I can't call you._

 _I know you think that I erased you._

 _You may hate me, but I cam't hate you,_

 _And I won't replace you._

Quinn's finger hovered over Santana's Instagram name.

She desperately wanted to see more pictures of her, wanted to find out more about her life, what she was doing, the places she'd travelled...who she was with...

She sighed and lowered her phone. The blonde wasn't ready for that kind of torture.

 _Tell me how to feel about you now._

Tell me how to feel about you now.

Tell me how to feel about you now.

Oh, let me know.

 _Do I suffocate or let go?_

The blonde's eyes misted as she lowered herself to the bathroom floor, her knees becoming weak as emotion coursed through her body.

The shower was running to cover her cries.

Greg was passed out in the bedroom next door but she didn't want to risk him hearing her sobs, he could be a fretful sleeper and often woke whilst she was trying to pull her emotions back into check.

 _Think I'm tired of getting over it._

 _Just starting something new again._

 _I'm getting sick of the beginnings._

 _And always coming to your defences._

The former cheerleader's mind began to wander into the past as she raised her knees to her chest and buried her face into them.

 _I guess it's good to get it off my chest._

 _I guess I can't believe I haven't yet._

 _You know I've got my own convictions._

 _And they're stronger than any addiction._

But no one's winning.

The first of the two times Quinn told her she loved her was during an arguement.

Santana had threatened to tell Greg everything, she had gotten drunk and her jealousy came out in a manipulative fashion.

Quinn had driven to Santana's apartment in a panic. She didn't want Greg to find out this way, she had a plan...she was going to leave him but she needed to not break his soul.

Tell me how to feel about you now.

Tell me how to feel about you now.

Tell me how to feel about you now.

Oh, let me know.

Do I suffocate or let go?

 **Flashback**

 **Quinn ran up the 13 steps to Santana's apartment and pushed straight through the door into the kitchen.**

 **She was greeted by a very drunk Santana and her best friend/ex Brittany.**

 **"You can't keep treating me like this Santana!" Sighed the blonde as she leaned against the wall opposite the two.**

 **Brittany smirked at something the latina said under her breath, Quinn's heart tightened a little at the action.**

 **She hated being the joke.** **"You said you were gonna leave him" Dark eyes pinned hazel.**

 **"I need time San..." Whispered Quinn**

 **"You've had six months"**

" **San-"**

" **Maybe I should drive to your house and tell him now"**

 **The shorter girl stepped forward from the booze covered kitchen counter, Quinn slid down the wall and dropped into a sitting position, legs criss crossed as her eyes and throat welled with tears.**

" **You guys need to talk more" Added Brittany as Quinn kept her eyes on her hands fidgeting in her lap.**

 **"Oh, Q doesn't do well at talking. She's a writer...maybe you could write out your feelings huh Q!?" Santana's tone was mean**

You keep me up with your silence.

 _Take me down with your quiet._

 _Of all the weapons you fight with._

 _Your silence is the most violent._

Tell me how to feel about you now.

Tell me how to feel about you now.

Tell me how to feel about you now.

Oh, let me know.

Do I suffocate or let go?

 **"I can't keep doing this"**

 **Shining hazel eyes looked up pleadingly at Santana**

" **I...it hurts. I...I can't..."** **Quinn shook her head as she pushed herself to her feet, Santana rushed forwards then turned and pulled open the door to the steps.**

 **"Then walk away" She grit out.**

 **"Walk away now and go back to your perfect life, play happy families amd forget about me"**

 **Quinn remained frozen in her spot and shook her head.**

 **"You want us to stop, then walk out and we stop!" Half shouted the drunk girl.**

 **Quinn stepped forward "I didn't want it to end like this S"**

 **Her lips quivered around the words and her voice wobbled, but she refused to let tears fall.**

 **"Just leave Quinn. Go home" Santana stepped away from the door**

 **"Is it really that easy for you!?" questioned the blonde increduously.**

 **Santana levelled her gaze at the taller girl and smirked before shrugging.** **"You were a game to me Q, I just wanted to see how far you would go..."**

 **The latina let out a laugh "You were fun, it was fun"**

 **Quinn stumbled back at the cold words that tumbled so easily from her lovers lips, her breath caught and bile rose in her throat.**

 **Santana had stolen her heart...no, she had earned it. Quinn had given it to her and trusted her with it's care even though she had never understood how someone so perfect, so beautiful could want her.**

 **And it appeared her doubts in that respect were right.**

 **Setting her shoulders, Quinn looked Santana directly in the eyes as one lone tear escaped her hazels.** **"I...I loved you Santana. I loved you so much"**

 **Her voice was barely above a whisper but Quinn knew it was the most powerful it had ever been.**

 **She wiped her eyes then bolted through the door and down the steps.**

 **She was almost to her car when her wrist snapped back and her body was forced around.**

 **Santana's eyes were red and her head was shaking back and forth, the younger girl sobbing openly.** **"I love you too Quinn...I've loved you for so long. So, so long!"**

 **Lips crashed into hers and both girls gripped onto one and other tightly as they spoke all of their feelings with their actions, only seperating due to the painful sobs that tore through them both, their foreheads touching as Santana repeated her words over and over.**

 _You don't have to tell me if you ever think of me._

 _I know you say you're busy_

 _Wildly, in the fog of your memory._

 _You don't have to tell me._

 _I can still believe._

It had taken an hour to calm Santana down that night, to ease ger from a panic attack and into an almost normal breathing pattern.

Quinn had tucked the girl into bed then made the walk back to her car again, she had locked her emotions down and driven home to a welcoming Greg.

That night she had quietly cried herself to sleep as her boyfriend snored away, oblivious to her struggles and cheating.

She remembered being aware that everything was beginning to crumble, that she was going to lose everything.

And when she said everything, she meant Santana

 **Another short chapter there for you...thank you for reading, it truly means a lot.** **I will try and get another, longer chapter up soon but I can only write when I'm alone which isn't often.**


	5. Cracks in the Surface

If Quinn could choose to go back in time to any point in her life, it would be the times where she was oblivious to everything.

Oblivious to her Fathers drinking.

Oblivious to her Mothers sadness.

Oblivious to the way her cousin Dean looked at her.

Oblivious to the horrors boys and men could inflict upon girls amd women.

Oblivious to heartbreak and loss...oblivious to grief.

Because that is what she felt right now. As her eyes fixed on that same picture of the girl she loved.

Quinn felt grief.

Sighing, the blonde locked her phone and shut out the cause of her grief...well, the root.

Quinn herself was the cause.

She walked away.

She turned her back on true love, snubbed her own feelings and tore out her own heart.

"I had to" She whispered to herself as she pushed away from her desk, the schematics for her next big project blurring as tears yet again welled in her eyes.

"Dammit!" She hissed as she made her way to the only ladies toilet in the office, grateful for once to be in the minority.

She needed a few minutes of privacy to pull herself together, something that wouldn't be afforded if there were other female employees.

Stepping into the small room, the blonde headed for the sink. Her eyes instantly found their reflection in the mirror as her hands gripped onto the white porceline.

It had been 8 days since she found _the_ Picture.

8 days of self torture, what if's, memories and tears.

Quinn had never been one for crying, but Santana had broken her walls down when they were together...and it seemed she still had that ability now.

 **Flashback**

Quinn burst into Santana's apartment, the shorter girl turning from her frantic pacing and running to greet the blonde.

As soon as strong arms enveloped the blonde in a tight embrace, Quinn lost it.

Sobs wracked her body as her arms circled the latina and fisted in her loose t-shirt.

"It's okay baby. It's okay...I've got you...shhhh" Santana whispered softly into mussed hair as she guided the upset girl into her bedroom and lay down, the slightly taller blonde curling tighter into her lover.

"I-I-uh-oh God San...I broke him...I hurt him so bad" Stuttered out Quinn, her words muffled by Santana's shoulder and her own tears.

"It's going to be okay babe, it's going to work out. You'll both be okay" She soothed, her heart soaring at the fact that Quinn could now be with her but at the same time her heart ached for the pain the older girl was going through.

"He said...He...he said he wants to die S. He hates me and he wants to die be-because I'm not his Quinn, sh-she must be dead-so he wants to die too" Quinns grip tightened around Santana, if it caused the smaller girl any pain it wasn't voiced.

Santana's heart broke at the pain and guilt radiating off her love. She hated that it had happened this way, every day she wished she had met Quinn first...had shown her true love before _him._

"Are...are you staying over tonight?" she timidly asked, her hope dangling over a cliff edge.

Quinn tensed momentarily before another sob tore through her, Santana immediatley pulling her impossibly closer.

 **End Flashback**

Quinn sighed as a tear ran freely down her cheek, she watched it fall in the mirror as she tried and failed to control her emotions.

The last month of her realtionship with Santana was full of hurt, for both girls.

Quinn's emotional abscence had been recognised by Greg. He started to become suspicious.

The blonde had to limit her time with Santana, even simple texts were difficult due to his suspicious and ever watchful eye.

This put a lot of strain on both girls.

Santana felt neglected, jealous and used at the same time.

Quinn felt so much of everything that sometimes she felt nothing.

She felt guilt for cheating.

Self hatred and shame for being with two people at the same time.

Loneliness...she was confused and hurting. She had stepped into this world where she was sleeping... _cheating_ with another woman and she had no one to talk to.

It was a truly difficult time...but even with all of her hurt, there was still a glimmer of happiness in there.

A dash of hope and joy.

Quinn had figured it out...finally.

She was gay.

Quinn Fabray was a lesbian.

It was a terrfying thought at first...a terrfying leap also.

But it was worth it.

Walking Santana to work, hand in hand every Sunday morning.

Afternoon dates in local eateries and bars, their hands leaving glancing touches on each other as their eyes hungrily ate up one and other.

Crawling into Santana's sleep warm bed and kissing her awake as the sun rose and birds began to sing.

Making love and feeling every nerve in her body set alight with the other girls touch.

That was what she wanted...what she had for a while.

But every moment of light has it's dark side too.

She only got to walk Santana to work on a Sunday as she always volounteerd to go get breakfast for her and Greg from the local diner.

They only ever got to go on dates when Greg was at work. It took ridiculous planning for herself and Santana to syncronise afternoons off work for stolen moments together.

Even then they had to hide their relationship in case anyone Quinn knew saw them...so their touches were brief, their eyes longingly drinking in what they both desired the most but could not quite have.

She never got to stay at her lovers apartment. She had to settle with getting up two hours before work and making a detour to Santana's place.

She would kiss her girlfriend awake and they would hold each other before the blonde had to leave.

And the love making...it killed Quinn. It killed her because finally the world felt right.

Finally everything made sense.

It killed her because it felt as though she had finally fallen into step with everyone else on the planet.

Because she had obviously been doing everything wrong her entire life.

It killed her because she couldn't get enough of Santana's lips, her smile, her body, the way she breathed, her hands, her deep and soulful eyes, her giggle, her stories, her heart...

It killed Quinn because she knew none of it was perminent.

Quinn's phone vibrating snapped her from her trance.

Pulling ot from her jeans pocket, she saw the text icon in the corner of her screen.

Squeezing the cellphone tighter sje swiped up to reveal a text from Greg.

 **Greg: Hey hot stuff. Got an ealry finish, text me the address of that bar you went to after your flight landed last week. I'll meet you there since you thought I would like it.**

 **love you babe xxxxxxx**

Fear gripped the blonde as she thought of all the possible scenarios that could come of this.

"Fuck" She muttered as she pulled up the address to send him. It was going to be a long evening.

 **A.N**

 **Hey Guys...thank you tonnes for reading!!!**

 **Your reviews gave me a smile and a giggle in parts ...I think I need more than a vacation to get the writing blockers out of the way**

 **Anyways...I hope you liked.**

 **I want to do something from Santana's side maybe...but as I am writing this story from my POV and my experience, I'm not sure what B felt from her side.**

 **There are a few more chapters to go yet though, but hopefully you guys are still entertained.**

 **Drop me a message if you have any suggestions for the Santana side, I think I'm too emotionally fucked to outright write from her POV haha.**

 **Anyways, Thanks again!!**


	6. Eye of the Storm

**Hey folks...here is the next part of my story.** **Not all flashbacks are chronological, I usually write about whatever memory of Becky is in my head at the time.** **so here goes.**

 _I found a picture of you._

 _God, that sounds creep worthy._

 _I...ever since I saw the picture of you, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you._

 _You were my true love S. It may have been fleeting for you but for me it was forever._

 _We barely had any time together as a couple, but I knew we could have worked._

 _I knew that we could have had our forever together...I knew the first time we kissed._

 _I often daydream about what our lives would be like now, if we were together._

 _I like to think that we would both be successful, we would have pushed each other to achieve our best._

 _We'd have a large loft apartment in Brooklyn...it would be near a nice school._

 _I imagine us having the most adorable little girl, she'd be 5 now._

 _We adopted of course._

 _One day you'd go out for a run whilst I cooked us breakfast, you would come back with a puppy and our daughter would love it so much that I couldn't be angry._

 _But that's just stupid._

 _I'm stupid._

 _I wish I had been stronger S._

 _I wish I could have walked away from him and towards you._

 _Greg though...he...he's always had this control over me._

 _When I found him with that knife to his wrist, I just knew I couldn't do that to him._

 _I couldn't hurt him even more...he begged for me to stay, told me he would kill himself if I didn't..._

 _You hated me for that weakness._

 _You told me I was stupid._

 _I was._

 _You gave me hope S._

 _You gave me hope for a future I didn't know existed until you pressed your lips to mine._

 _Fuck._ _I don't even know why I'm writing this._

 _But I need to get it out of my system...this has all been inside me for so long._

 _I fucking loved you. I still do. I love you so much Santana._

 _But God, I had to give you up. I couldn't break a man for my own selfish reasons._

 _You look happy in the picture. It's beautiful, you are beautiful..._

Quinn groaned as she screwed up the piece of paper her hand had began to furiously scribbling on.

She felt the loss of Santana greatly every day, but it had intensified since the picture.

Her phone vibrated, her taxi was outside.

The blonde took a deep breath before switching off her desk lamp and heading towards the cab that would take her to Greg.

 **Ten Minutes later**

Quinn sighed deeply as she swallowed tears, Santana wouldn't leave her mind right now.

 **FLASHBACK**

 **"No...I don't believe you" half smiled Quinn as she shook her head, a blush creeping up her neck.**

 **"It's true...I..." Santana's eyes dropped to her lap for a moment before they raised and locked on hazel. "I went to that bar every Friday hoping to see you"**

 **Quinn shook her head in disbelief, she didn't understand why someone like Santana would want someone like her.**

 **"Hey". A tan hand reached under a pale chin and lifted it ever so slightly, only stopping when unsure eyes slowly met hers. "You're beautiful Q...and not just on the outside-"**

 **Quinn stood up from the sofa, her head shaking back and forth.**

 **"Quinn?" Santana's voice was high pitched and worried as she matched her lovers movements.**

 **"This...this is wrong...I...this shouldn't be hap-"**

 **Santana grabbed Quinn's wrists as she reached for her bag, pulling her round to face her. "Don't do this baby, don't run out again"**

 **Quinn pulled her hands free and shouldered her bag, levelling a look at the shorter girl.**

 **"I shouldn't be doing this...I-"**

 **"You're running because you're happy" Interrupted the shorter girl, realisation finally hitting her.**

 **Quinn shifted on her feet and tried to move passed the raven haired girl in her way, but Santana matched her movements once more and blocked her escape.**

 **"Every time we relax, every time we're both happy..." Santana shook her head, "every single time you forget your sadness, you panic"**

 **Quinn's eyes dropped to the floor as her hands gripped tightly at the straps on her backpack.**

 **"You deserve to be happy Q. You deserve to be cared about and to care for someone back, you deserve to be who you are-"**

 **"At who's expense!?" Snapped the blonde, her frustration with herself re-directed at her lover.**

 **Santana was silenced for a moment as she scrambled for an answer, Quinn continued.**

 **"It's not that easy for me Santana...it's not just my life, it's Greg's, my family's His family...I can't ruin all those lives-"**

 **"You'll ruin those lives if you're honest!?" spat the younger girl in disbelief "Please Q, your sexuality isn't that important!"**

 **Quinn let out a bark of laugher as her hands dropped from her backpack to her sides**

 **"You'd never understand..."**

 **"Make me!"**

 **The blonde closed her eyes for a moment as a thick silence filled the room, she couldn't do this, she couldn't make others see what only she could.**

 **"Help me understand Q"**

 **Quinn opened her eyes and locked onto pleading chocolate ones, she gave a half smile and a defeated shrug.**

 **"Greg is kind. He's honest and gentle, he loves with his whole heart. He...he's loved so much by so many people. Even I used to be in love with him...but now..."**

 **The taller girl paused for a moment before shaking her head and continuing.**

 **"My family love him as if he were always a part of it. He has been for twelve years. My Mother sends him cards that say 'Son' on them...my sister adores him, my neices and nephew grew up with him always around, they look up to him."**

 **"I don't understand why you're telling me this Quinn" Whispered Sanatana as she felt hurt course through her body at Quinn's adoring words.**

 **"Because...if I...if I came out, if I did that, he would get hurt, my family would lose him...his family would be hurt too. Greg...he doesn't deserve to be hurt like that-"**

 **"You are gay Q. It's not your fault. You can't live a lie to stop others from hurting" emplored Santana as she reached forward and gently intertwined her hand with one of Quinn's.**

 **"It is my fault" Muttered the taller girl as she ran her thumb over caramel knuckles "It is my fault and if I come out then...then two families are broken"**

 **"How baby? How is it...I..." Santana blinked tears away that had gathered in the corners of her eyes, looking up and staring directly at the face of the woman she cared deeply for. "Why do you have to suffer?"**

 **Quinn slowly tugged her hand free and shook her head. "Because I should have known I was gay before I married him" and with those words spoken, the blonde pushed passed the smaller girl and out of the living room**

 **End Flashback**

Quinn ran her thumb over the picture of Santana as her taxi swerved to avoid a rogue cyclist.

She looked up for a moment, checking the meter before taking a deep breath and tapping the bold name above the photo.

It had been 8 entire days of looking at that same photo...Quinn was ready to see what lay beyond it. She was ready to open a wound that had never truly healed.

Her breath stopped.

Her ears lost the ability to listen to anything other than the heavy thumping of her now irratic heartbeat.

Her mouth became instantly dry as her lungs forced an inhale of much needed air.

Hazel eyes instantly misted over and her hands began to shake.

Lay before her were so many pictures. One's in summertime, in snow, with zoo animals, strangers, family members, funny faces, costumes, formal wear, messy hair, stunning black and whites...so many pictures.

Lay before her, in her palm was the world she tore herself from. The world she wished she could live in, the world where Santana lived and breathed.

And it was too much.

Almost instantly, Quinn pressed the homescreen button and locked her phone, quickly pushing it into her pocket.

She dabbed gently at her eyes with her fingertips, stopping the flow of tears from ruining her makeup as the world slowly came back into her senses.

"Miss. Miss...you are at your drop off"

Hazel eyes snapped up to the driver who was turned in his seat looking back at her with an unreadable expression.

Quinn quickly mumbled an apology, swiped her card on the payment terminal attached to the seat in front of her and half stumbled out of the rear passanger side door before standing straight and taking a few steps towards the bar.

"Like watchin' Bambi on ice"

The blonde squinted through the low setting sunlight to see Becca leaned casually against the wall of the bar, a cigarette lazily hanging from her lips.

"Please" half laughed Quinn as she came to a stop a few feet from the barmaid "It wasn't that bad!"

Becca shrugged but nodded and widened her eyes in reply, this earned her another laugh from Quinn.

"So. Couldn't stay away huh?"

"Something like that" answered Quinn in a dustracted manned as she scanned the area for Greg.

"Great service, cold beer and hot bar staff...all your needs covered in one" the shorter girl gestured down her own body in a mock seductive manner.

The engineers head snapped back around, her focus soley on Becca now. "please don't joke like that"

Becca straightened up and nodded, hurt a little at Quinn's request. She opened her mouth to apologise but was silenced as a large man appeared behind the blonde and placed his giant hands on her shoulders.

The barmaid didn't miss how her newest aquaintance tensed, nor did she miss the apologetic and pleading look in hazel eyes.

Switching into a more professional manner, she straightened up and nodded at the couple.

"So as I said Ma'am, your reserved booth is available now" Nodding again, the dark haired girl turned and walked into the bar.

"You reserved a booth hotstuff? colour me impressed!" Greg's hands squeezed at her shoulders once more before he released them, slapped Quinn's ass and walked passed her into the bar.

Quinn let out a breath before heading in after him.

 **So...that is where this chapter ends. I shall try and get the next half up ASAP.** **Thanks for reading.**


End file.
